When "The Truth" Wasn't the Truth
A glimpse into my life as a Jehovah's Witness.
I left the Jehovah's Witness faith with my husband and daughter, over 16 years ago, and have never looked back. Never once, have I regretted that decision to leave, even though doing so came with great personal cost. I lost many, that I dearly loved... including many family members. A brother and sister in law, my grandmothers, in-laws, an aunt and uncle, and many cousins. I lost nearly all my friends, even best friends...some of which I had my entire life. All because I chose to no longer be a part of the Jehovah's Witness faith. You see, they teach that if you leave their faith you have left God. In their eyes I am worse than someone who has committed murder, and am shunned as such. The hard reality is the only thing I was guilty of was questioning my faith, and standing up for what I had found to be truth. I'm going to share with you my very real and personal story, of what it was like for me, having been raised as a very active, and strong Jehovah's Witness, and my coming to a life changing decision, when faced with a crisis of conscience.
Having always believed, that I was privileged to have been raised "in the truth", as we referred to it.... even willing to die for my faith, I had come to the shocking realization that I had unknowingly, been living a lie my entire life. My journey, is not unlike thousands of others who have found out the deception themselves, and who also had to make the same decision, to stay or to go. It was not easy, but in the end it came down to my relationship with Almighty God, and my conscience. Was I going to continue to live a lie because my JW faith was all I ever knew? Was I going to stay, because I knew the consequences of questioning the faith, a forever shunning or casting out from all my family and friends? Or was I going to stand tall for truth?
Some of you who will visit here, know me and know my story. Others will be able to relate, based on what has happened to them personally from similar experiences. And still others, will no doubt find what I am about to share interesting, surprising, and informative to say the least. I grew up moving around the country living in many different states. I was born in Truckee, California and moved to Kentucky, Wisconsin, Minnesota, Oregon, Washington. That was all before getting married in 1985 where we then moved to Idaho, California, Florida, and now Tennessee. When I tell people where all I have lived, they immediately assume my father must have been in the military. But then I say no, my father was in construction, and I was also a Jehovah's Witness. My father was a Jehovah's Witness elder and my mother pioneered, which consisted of devoting over a 100 hours a month in the door to door knocking ministry. We often moved where the "need was great", meaning where they needed help with their congregations for whatever reason. Not enough elders, not enough people to go out knocking on doors or filling their Kingdom Hall seats.
Despite missing out on many things, I can honestly say I had a wonderful childhood, filled with many happy memories. My father was a strong man, but he had a very loving, gentle soul. He worked extremely hard for his family, and always drew our attention to God. My mother, was very nurturing and loving, a stay at home mom, who always put her family first, taking care of all five children and supporting my father in all he did. They worked hard, and had a beautiful life together. They loved each other and loved all of us equally, raising us all in the Jehovah's Witness faith, just as they were both brought up. We were happy, we were grounded, and we had great love in our family that many would openly comment that they admired. It wasn't, and still isn't even up to this day, unusual for my siblings or I to openly tell each other "I love you", or to openly say that to our parents, no matter where we are, or who is around. I have always been so grateful for that.
I got married to my husband at just 18, and as traditional, for Jehovah's Witnesses, we married young, and we married within the faith. To marry outside, was highly discouraged, and would put you in bad light within the congregation. Seven years later, we had our precious daughter, and continued to raise her in the way in which we were raised. Jehovah's Witness meetings were held 3 times a week, two of which were 2 hours long, one on Sunday and one on Thursday and one on Tuesday, for 1 hour. Then of course there was our Saturday field service days, which were days we would devote to knocking on doors for at least 2-3 hours every weekend. We were required to keep track of, and turn in our monthly ministry hours. Which basically meant the total time spent knocking on doors. If we fell below the congregational average we were counseled. So no matter how tired we were, no matter how many other things needed to be done at home, nor what event may be happening we wanted to attend, we always made sure to get those hours in. If you failed to turn in your time, or weren't regular at the meetings, you were looked upon as weak, and bad association for others within the congregation. No one wanted that kind of label, or to be looked down upon, so we fell in line and did what was expected of us. Now looking back its easy and clear to see how we were manipulated through fear to perform. It is the Jehovah's Witness firm belief that there is no other faith acceptable to God on earth, except for that faith. It is taught, and believed, that if you leave, or are not in good standing with the congregation when Jesus returns, then expect to be destroyed with all the other non believers, or those of "false religion" as we called them. That was what we were taught, and that was what we believed to be true.
Much more went into being a Jehovah's Witness, such as meeting preparation. All of those magazines, booklets and books that we spent countless hours distributing, we were to study in our down time. We were expected to come prepared to the Kingdom Hall "meetings" as we called them, and be ready to participate, in one form or another. Raising your hand to comment, and if assigned that particular week, prepared to stand in front of the congregation and give, "talks' or sermons. We had our children present with us from infancy, as they didn't provide or believe in any kind of children's programs, so our children learned from an early age to sit still, be quiet and to participate.
We were different. Very different. We couldn't have any deliberate outside association with anyone. That meant no friendships outside of school or work, as outside friends were considered "bad association", no matter how well versed in the Bible, godly, or sincere a person may be. We weren't allowed to vote, even though we paid our taxes, however, strangely enough, we could take a "vote" within the congregation on matters that pertained to it. We weren't allowed to give blood, and we weren't allowed to take it either, until one day, out of the blue, it was announced at a summer convention through the release of a brochure, that it was okay to take blood fractions. They were still made from blood, and cannot be made synthetically, fractions are made from someone else's donated, stored blood. Suddenly, we could take that, if our conscience would allow, but we couldn't take blood as a whole, as you would in a blood transfusion, nor could you donate your blood for others. In fact, even using products with stored blood in them, for example deer repellent for flower spray, were forbidden. This sudden doctrinal change caused me to take a good hard look at my faith, and to question the reasoning behind the sudden change. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that for my entire life, we couldn't take blood in any form, even in a emergency situation to save our life, or that of our children. Thousands of Jehovah's Witnesses died because of it. Then one day, it was okay, because the Governing Body in Brooklyn Bethel, the small group of men who we believed to be chosen by God, had "okayed" blood fractions for the Jehovah's Witness organization. In my mind, something that has supposedly been from God, as we believed the law on the sanctity of blood, and the law to take it, couldn't possibly be a "no" from God to then one day being "okay". I knew the scriptures said that God does not change. So there was no way our stand on blood was from God to begin with.
We couldn't celebrate the holidays, or birthdays, although we could celebrate baby showers. Celebrating the life of the baby with cake, and gifts were fine at birth, but celebrating the anniversary of that birth, a birthday, was forbidden. We were allowed to have weddings, and celebrate wedding anniversaries, and we were to celebrate the Lord's Evening Meal, the day on which Christ died every year on Niacin 14th. Our children weren't allowed to play in sports, participate in pageants, and the prospect of college was obsolete, within the Jehovah's Witness faith. Trade schools were frowned upon but tolerated, as was attending community college. Any hope of furthering your education was met with a strong lecture and council about putting God's Kingdom first and not furthering your education, as getting ahead financially in this "old system of things", was not putting the Kingdom first. Then, there is all the Jehovah's Witness doctrines that I won't go into, but let just say most everything we were taught I had to reexamine and re adjust my beliefs based on what the scriptures really say. We were also to shun or excommunicate anyone who went against the Jehovah's Witness teachings. We couldn't speak to them, even if they were family members, until they repented, and then were interviewed numerous times by a elder body of 3-6 men that would then determine your heart condition, whether or not your were truly repentant for your wayward way and if they were to allow you back in the congregation. Unlike the mercy Christ Jesus showed, a sincere heartfelt regret of wrong doing was not all it took to be welcomed back into the fold. It depended on the elders that were assigned to your case. Sometimes, many times, this took years. No matter how heartfelt, how much you expressed remorse, you were still at the mercy of these mere men. If you wanted a good standing again, and to be able to associate with your family and friends, no longer being shunned, you were required to attend every meeting, every week, and to come prepared, sit alone, and not attempt to speak to anyone, as surely you would not be spoken to. Records on each member were kept in a locked congregation file cabinet, for elder use only. As a member you were not allowed to see the file they kept on you. Included were records kept for years of your performance as well as any known sin you may have ever committed, and each file was also sent to the Jehovah's Witness head quarters, in Bethel New York, where they kept a computerized data base on every single member, in every congregation world wide. If you moved, your file was forwarded to the new city, to that new body of elders in the new congregation where you had moved to. Once baptized, you couldn't never leave, or disassociate yourself without being permanently shunned. The option of leaving the faith no matter the reason, and retaining a good relationship with anyone still in the organization, including your immediate family members didn't exist. The only way to gain those relationships back, were if you were reinstated back in, and all the previous rules would once again apply. It was a way to control and manipulate the members. Fear of loss of family and friends, kept many in line, even those who no longer believed or supported the Jehovah's Witness faith, they still went through the motions.
Sounds pretty crazy right?! Looking back on it, it was! But when your raised in it, and you don't know any different, and your parents didn't know any different, as was the case for both my husband and I, it was just a way of life. Like I said, we were different, but we were happy because we towed the line. Because of the fact that we weren't allowed to have outsiders as our close friends, that meant we had many friends within the congregation, and neighboring congregations in many districts. We would have yearly conventions and would know hundred's of people. All living the life, all towing the line, isolated from the rest of the world, as we were proud to be 'no part of it'.
Like so many before me, I wasn't allowed to attend college. So, I did many things to make a living over the years. I waitressed, I got on the job training as a dental assistant, I was an office manager, a substitute teacher, a preschool teacher, and a Realtor. Not in that order, but, lets just say my life wasn't ever boring, as I've had a life of experiencing many things. However, fortunately, my husband did go to trade school where he learned mold making and we eventually had a mold making company as well as a plastics injection manufacturing company. I considered us fortunate, because we always worked as a team to make ends meet. As with anything, there have been lucrative times and there have been financially difficult times, but I believe that the one thing that kept us grounded and together through it all was our deep love and respect for Almighty God.
I have shared this story with you because it will help give you insight as to what my life was like as a Jehovah's Witness, and what the life of most Jehovah's Witnesses you have encountered probably looked like on the inside. This was my life, but very common within the organization. We had very busy lives as you can imagine, centering around our faith. So this sets the stage to my next chapter. How and why did we leave?
My parents were the first to wake up. Their 5 children were all grown, and all but the youngest still lived at home. I started noticing my parents becoming less and less regular at the weekly meetings. Although they owned a salad dressing/bbq sauce business that kept them busy and often on the road, I started to notice a change in them. They didn't seem as strong in the JW faith as they had. They no longer participated at meetings, and were missing more times than they attended. Unbeknownst to me, they were questioning their JW beliefs. After countless hours of research and diligent and heartfelt prayer, they could no longer live a lie. They knew they had to tell their children, and were very scared that they would get be shunned or disfellowshipped, which is the JW term for excommunication, and none of us would be able to communicate with them, for fear that we too would be disfellowshipped for not upholding the JW rules.
Then one day my whole world turned upside down, as my parents unexpectedly dropped by the house to hand deliver, and read a loud a letter which they wrote to each of us children, explaining why they had stopped attending meetings. The letter contained what they had found, proof of their findings, and why they could no longer live the life as a Jehovah's Witness. I was so stunned and scared that my ears rang and I literally heard nothing of what they were sharing with me. My mother begged me to listen, and as a good little brained washed Jehovah's Witness, I refused. In fact, after they left I burned the letter they left with me, never reading it, and from that day forward, for about a year I distanced myself from them. I didn't report them to the congregation elders, as was the custom, when ones would find out others were doubting their faith...but the word got out through one of my siblings who to this day is still in the cult. There. I said it. It is a cult.
At this point though, I didn't see it that way. I seriously thought my parents had lost their darn minds. I refused to talk to them about any of their findings and I refused to hear any of their reasons for leaving. I was devastated. Looking back, I'm ashamed that I didn't have more faith in my parents. My loving parents, who had never ever lied to me, or had never been dishonest with me or any one else for that matter. Still, I was programmed to reject their 'findings'. I will never forget telling my 9 year old daughter, "Please don't EVER leave the organization (JWs), even if mommy and daddy do, please never leave! Stay strong so you can get us back in!" It's terrifying to me now, thinking back on what I was asking for!! I didn't know then, what I know now, and I was begging her to stay faithful to a cult! UGH!
One of the stipulations to allowing my parents to have any time with their granddaughter, was that they were not allowed in any way shape or form to speak to her about God, or to speak badly of the Jehovah's Witness faith. They upheld their promise, and so we allowed her to continue spending time with them. My father would always try to gently open doors for conversation with me, and I would always quickly shut them. Of course, all I could do was to pray that they would in time wake up and realize they were going down the wrong path and turn around. I was terrified that my parents were going to be destroyed at Armageddon and that they were greatly displeasing God for leaving the Jehovah's Witness faith.
During this pocket of time, I did my best to hold it together and to go on, despite my parents leaving. There was a huge void in our family, as we all looked up to my parents, who lead the way, all our lives up to that point. All we could do was pray that they would one day 'wake up' and return. Little did I realize, that my whole life was about to change. And change it did! It all started because of a movie. That's right, a movie, filled with, of all things... very familiar Freemason symbols.
That brings me to my next post "My Story...."
~Peace & Joy,
Lisa
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